The Replacement
by BobCat
Summary: A fusion of El Hazard: The Magnificent World and Dragonball Z. What if the redundant hero, ahem, I mean Makoto Mizuhara, was never born, and Gohan was forced to take his place?
1. Applied Chaos Theory

The Replacement

Prologue

Applied Chaos Theory

By BobCat 

Disclaimer: Now, if I owned Dragon Ball Z or El Hazard, this wouldn't be a FAN fiction, now would it?

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Chaos Theory is an interesting thing, is it not? The human mind is trained from its early days to see big changes as having big effects, while small changes have small effects. Yet, mathematicians tell us that the exact opposite is true. In the most clichéd example in all of literature, a butterfly flapping its wings in China can, through a mind bogglingly complex series of reactions, create a tornado in America. This molecule bumps that molecule, that molecule bumps another molecule out of alignment, and so on, until Bertha Mae has to find herself a new trailer. 

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Now, if one accepts this theory as true, one should hypothetically live one's life in a state of constant paranoia, avoiding breathing simply to stop tornadoes halfway across the world. But we don't. The human mind simply can't track the changes. We can't see the playing pieces of Chaos Theory, and the actual effects take months to even be noticeable. So, we live our lives, possibly dooming thousands of people that we will never meet. (Especially not after the fact; it's kind of hard to know someone after a piece of sheet metal going two hundred miles per hour bisected them.)

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What? You still don't believe me? Well, let me just pull out my Physics Police files and show you a good example. Let's see… OK, here we go. Universe codename DB-N001-8957-EH is a perfect example of applied Chaos Theory. I rest my case.

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What now? You've never heard the story of universe DB-N001-8957-EH? What, were you raised in a barn?

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OK, fine, for the benefit of the people here who don't know what the heck I'm talking about, DB-N001-8957-EH is a primarily Chi based universe, home to species such as Saiyans and Nameks who have evolved specifically to interact with this energy field and make it their own, allowing for great feats of strength, speed and energy _production. A process that violates all laws of Newtonian physics, but that is a debate for another day. _

The deviation does not occur when you might expect it to. Most deviations involve decisions on the parts of the Saiyans and their friends, or some molecular difference that made Son Goku female, or some other such rubbish. But the change occurred several hundred years before Goku was a twinkle in Bardock's eye. 

Let's have a look-see, shall we? 

***************

Universe DB-N001-8957-EH

Empire of Japan, Earth

December 3, 1796

It had been a horrendous battle. In a few hours, the numbers of the Kaio-Shin race had dwindled from five to the lonely, mohawk-sporting warrior who sat upon the hard, sun-caked earth. He had lost everybody in his life, including his teacher and father figure, Dai Kaio-Shin. This was before he met his loyal attendant, Kibito. He was utterly alone in a dark, lonely universe. 

But in the end, the beast known as Majin Buu was defeated. The childish demon was now laid to rest within the dark green pod before the exhausted Kaio-Shin. The sacrifices of his comrades had been worth it. The universe was safe again.

Or was it? Kaio-Shin acknowledged that his solution was, at best, temporary. The extended battle and some incredible luck on his own part had sapped Majin Buu's power, but he was not gone for good. Rumor had it that the evil magician Bibidi was simply one of an entire race of magically attuned beings. If any of them knew of Bibidi's plans, then they could find their way to Earth and release Majin Buu upon the universe anew. 

Kaio-Shin grit his teeth. "This must not be allowed. I did not lose my friends… my family for nothing! There must be a way to deal with him for good! This black hearted monster must never know the light of day again!"

In most universes at this point, Kaio-Shin would struggle for hours, trying to find a way to overcome Majin Buu's regenerative powers, but finding none, he would settle for burying Buu within the crust of the Earth. 

In this particular plane of existence, a minor change in Shin's synaptic firing led him to a plan. He reasoned that there was one thing with more power than any flesh and blood being. 

A black hole forty light years from the Sol System was selected to be Buu's tomb. With the mass of infinity crushing him down upon him, even Majin Buu could not survive.

*****************

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Now then, I think you can grasp what a massive change this is to the fabric of this timeline. No Majin Buu means that the wizard Babadi never feels a need to make his way to the backwater that is Earth, so he and his minions are not present at the World Martial Arts Tournament. Nor are Kaio-Shin and Kibito. Without any outside interruption, the tournament goes as expected; Goku first, Vegeta second, Gohan third. Gohan is still surprised to find that he is no longer the strongest, but without the stress of Majin Buu, he feels no need to develop his fighting talent. Aside from occasional sparring matches with his friend Piccolo and his father (when he can get a day pass from heaven), he fights no more. 

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A more subtle change is brought about by Buu's absence as well. It seems as though the area in which Shin chose for Buu's resting place lay above a layer of quartz. The rubble that Shin blasted out to make room for the demon happened to contain a significant amount of gold. When not removed, a man named Akira Mizuhara in the late 1800's discovered this gold. Yes, you should recognize the name. Akira was a direct ancestor of Makoto Mizuhara. In most dimensions, he was a man of humble means who worked as a courier. However, he found the gold in the middle of a delivery and immediately abandoned his mission in order to stake his claim. 

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As a consequence, he never met his normal wife, Miho, who was the recipient of that message. 

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Instead, the gold that Mizuhara found made him a very wealthy man. The consequence? Makoto Mizuhara's father was never born, and as a because of this, Makoto was never born. 

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So you see? A small chemical change in the brain of one man saved the Earth from annihilation at the hands of a silly pink demon. 

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What's that? You want to know what happened to the people of El Hazard without their savior? Now that is an interesting tale…

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Well, no duh Gohan replaces him. It's fairly obvious, if you know how to read between the lines, or bothered to look at the summary. But it's still a good tale! 

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Trust me; I'm an official sounding voice in italics. Could I lie to you?

End Prologue 

Notes: This was inspired by a fanfiction I saw once by Hung Nguyen called _Dragon Ball Hazard_. I never actually finished reading it, but it still provided me with the germ of an idea. The premise was to replace Makoto with Trunks. This idea, although good at first, quickly became, well, not so good. This was mainly because the author immediately decided to make Trunks too perfect for his own good. I will go back and read it one day, but only when this is finished. Don't want it to be too similar, now do I? 

Also, unlike _Dragon Ball Hazard_, this is based on the manga series of El Hazard, which is pretty different from the anime version. I have not seen more than twenty minutes of the anime, so sorry sports fans, no cross-dressing here. 


	2. Plot Construction

The Replacement 

Chapter 1

Plot Construction

By BobCat

Disclaimer: I am involved in the opposite paradigm of the status of not owning none of these anime. 

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"God does not play dice with the universe." Albert Einstein

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"Hey hey hey! Good morning, Tokyo! Dick Albert here on radio JPOP at 6:43 in the AM on this bea_-utif_ul Friday morning! Today is a balmy seventy-three degrees Fahrenheit, or for you metric users, some number that I'm too lazy to calculate! Traffic is, as always, utterly grid locked, so today might be a good day to just enjoy the weather while it lasts with a nice walk. In other news, there's yet more conflict in the Middle East, as some guy decided to blow something up for some reason, most likely a jihad. I dunno. Anyway, here's this week's number one Country hit, 'I Done Shot My Pig Last Thursday!'"

A bleary eyed Gohan smashed his fist into the offending radio, sending shards of metal and plastic in all directions. As a metal wire cut into his hand, the half-breed was jarred into full wakefulness. He yawned loudly as he rose, scratching the small of his back. "What time is it?" He picked up a backup clock from beside his bed as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He was briefly worried that he had overslept his alarm again, but he was relieved to find that he still had over three hours before his first class started. Gohan yawned intentionally, hoping to lull his mind into a state of sleepiness. It was to no avail, as his brain derailed his efforts at silencing thought. He grumbled, "Stupid daylight savings time. Gets me every year!" 

Although his mind was fully awake, his body was not sharing its enthusiasm. Gohan tripped twice on his way to the bathroom as limbs that felt that they were entitled to another hour of sleep protested the commands he gave to them. Eventually, Gohan managed to stumble into the bathroom, and a handful of cold water jarred him fully into the land of the living. 

The morning ritual of various kinds of washing and brushing was completed in twenty minutes. As recently as the year before, he might have felt a need to use his super speed to hasten the process, but he saw little reason to do so. 

After putting on a clean school uniform, Gohan surveyed the toxic waste dump he jokingly referred to as his apartment. He briefly considered making an effort at cleaning the place, but decided against it. His roommate, Hiro, seemed to have decided long ago that he liked the filth, and nothing that Gohan could do could sway him from the fact. It reminded him of an old American sitcom that he had seen a few times. He would clean, Hiro would mess, and Gohan prayed that he wouldn't lose his deposit because of the neglect.

Of course, Gohan knew so many ways to make Hiro more compliant. He could have gone Super and beaten him within an inch of his life, or perhaps just grabbed him and thrown him over the horizon. For the second strongest man alive, it would not have been much of a challenge. Although Hiro had sorely tempted him on several occasions, Gohan knew that in the end he was too kind hearted to go through with it. 

Despite a few annoyances, living alone was heaven for Gohan. He could forget that he was an heir of the Saiyan race and its warlike ways. He never had to worry about his mother's demands that he study, nor his brother's annoying hyperactivity. Not since Cell had any great threat come along, and his adventures as the Great Saiya-Man were a simply a diversion. Much more than when he had trained with his father, he felt that he was making a positive impact in people's lives. And unlike home, where his time was monopolized his mother's demands that he study when he wasn't asleep, he could set his own schedule. He had never needed to study nearly as much as Chi Chi had thought, and he had much more spare time now that the slave driver was not present. 

In fact, given his mother's strictness and overprotective tendencies, he had been rather surprised when she announced one day that it was time for him to learn to live on his own. Before he knew it, he was apartment hunting in Japan's biggest city. He still wasn't sure where that came from…*

Now the only question was what to do with this time. Breakfast could wait a bit longer; the new Starbucks down the street would not open for another hour, and Gohan felt the need for some caffeine. Gohan mused aloud, "I wonder what everyone else is doing right now?"

He immediately thought of his old sensei. "Right about now, Piccolo's probably meditating near a waterfall… or in the desert, or something. I never had the guts to tell him just how ridiculous that looked…" 

"Just how ridiculous _what_ looked?"

"EEP!" Gohan leapt straight up and banged his head against the ceiling. "Ow… DON'T DO THAT!"

Piccolo smirked. "I've been waiting for an hour, you lazy bum. I didn't think that school life had spoiled you that much. I remember back when didn't need half as much sleep."

Gohan rubbed his sore head, looking up at the dent in the ceiling. _Great. Now I'm definitely going to lose that deposit…_ "Heh. I just got done with trimester finals, Piccolo. The body is willing, but my brain is weak." Gohan noticed that Piccolo was dressed in a t-shirt, blue jeans and a baseball cap. _I wonder what's up with that…_

Piccolo's grin broadened. As far as Gohan knew, the reclusive alien never used that look on anyone else. "I think you're just going soft, Gohan."

Gohan stretched in preparation of the sparring match that he knew his old teacher was there for. "I assume you are here to try to beat that softness out of me?"

Piccolo shook his head. "Actually, I'm here to see what the big deal about this place is, oh scholarly one." 

Gohan blinked in surprise. "What?"

Piccolo glanced around the dorm. "It can't be the atmosphere that drove you away from the Art, I'll tell you that much." He picked up a half-empty can of Vegeta-Beta from the floor. "How can you live in this mess?"

Gohan sighed. "This is just where I hang my hat. It's my roommate who is the pig." He checked his watch. "Well, I suppose I can give you a tour of the campus before my classes, if you like. Although I am curious about this sudden visit…"

Piccolo became slightly defensive. "Do need a reason to visit my favorite-"

"And only," Gohan chimed in.

"Pupil?" Piccolo caught Gohan's skeptical look. "What, I'm not allowed to get lonely from time to time?"

Gohan responded, "Not if you don't want people to accuse BobCat of getting you out of character."

Piccolo nodded once. "I see your point. Anyhow, let's get going."

With that, the odd pair left for Gohan's school. They briefly considered flying, but decided that it would be wise not to attract undue attention, particularly in light of Gohan's ecret-say identity-way. As Gohan noted, high school students may be a bit inexperienced, but they're a lot smarter than most people think… despite the wanton and life threatening sex and substance abuse and an utter lack of any tact. And, for the most part, intelligence.

Where was I?

Ah yes. Gohan decided to forgo his morning mocha, taking his old teacher on a tour of the campus. 

Piccolo surveyed the house of learning. "Very nice. Although it isn't any better than Orange Star High, I can definitely see you being happy here."

Gohan nodded. "They have a brand new science building over there. It's about the third best in Japan since some crazy millionaire left an endowment to the wrong school. Man, you should have heard the guys at Tokyo U whine…"

Piccolo's brow furrowed as a new thought occurred to him. "Why did you leave Orange Star, anyway? You always seemed happy there…"

Gohan attempted to dodge the subject. "So, what have you been up to? Still practicing your sewing?"

Piccolo responded, "Well, I've been working on my macramé, and… wait a minute… cut that out! Just answer the question!"

As the pair continued to stride through the campus, Gohan searched for the proper words. He briefly considered lying about his current school having a better teaching staff, but that wouldn't work. Piccolo would see through such an obvious lie immediately. _Orange Star had its issues, but at least the science teacher wasn't a lush… almost makes me wish I hadn't told him so many stories on the way over…_ Eventually, the demi-Saiyan decided to bite the bullet. "It was Videl."

Piccolo struggled to remember. "Satan's girl? Didn't you two go out for a bit?"

Gohan sighed. "After the tournament, we did go out a few times. But… she was a little bitter about the first round…"

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World Martial Arts Tournament

1 Year Ago

Gohan, still clothed in his Saiya-man costume, stepped up onto the arena. He ground his teeth as he tried to think of a way to avoid the current situation. _Argh! Damned if I do, damned if I don't! Of all the lots I had to pick, why did it have to be **hers**? Now I'm stuck! Win or lose, she'll take it wrong! If I go all out, she'll get creamed and hate me! If I hold back too much, she'll figure it out and hate me! And if I balance things perfectly, I just know she'll take it wrong!** What do I do?_

The announcer was utterly oblivious Gohan's angst. "And now, after the lightning-fast victory by tournament veteran Krillin, we have a real treat, as Videl, daughter of the current champion, faces off against the enigmatic and oddly dressed Saiya-Man! Are both contestants ready?"

Videl nodded once in a very determined manner. Gohan hesitated, and then matched the motion, if not the conviction. At this, the announcer leapt down from the arena and pumped his arms in an exited manner. "Then let the match begin!"

Gohan decided to let Videl make the first move. The aggressive girl was more than happy to accommodate him, beginning with a lightning fast barrage of punches. Gohan, still wrestling with his dilemma, let his body go on autopilot, making her superhuman speed seem pathetic by comparison as he dodged each blow. 

Finally, after nearly two minutes of continuous attacks, an exhausted Videl fell to one knee. She glared up at Gohan. "HIT BACK ALREADY!"

Gohan, still wrestling with his dilemma, automatically obeyed her order. His light tap sent her across the stadium and into the cement retaining wall below the stands. She lay there spread-eagled for several seconds before gravity took its course and she slumped to the ground. Even before the orange garbed monk who assisted with the competition ran over to her, Gohan could tell that it was a one hit KO. _I am **so** dead when she wakes up…_

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Piccolo could only wince at that. "I did not know her very well, but I can definitely see where that would cause some problems down the line… she prided herself at being a top rank fighter, and you stole that illusion from her quite casually."

Gohan could only nod in agreement. "We were definitely attracted to each other, but she never got over it. Eventually, we both agreed that things just weren't working out, so we broke up. It wasn't too long afterwards that I sent in my application to Shinonome High. I liked the teaching staff, but all of my friends were Videl's friends, and it was way too awkward." 

Piccolo, seeing the obvious discomfort that this line of questioning was causing for Gohan, changed subjects. "So, have you made any friends here?"

Gohan considered. "Well, this girl named Nanami is pretty nice…"

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Monday…

Mr. Fujisawa scratched an equation onto the chalkboard, looking away from the class as he forced his alcohol-impaired reflexes to write legibly. "So, with the equation v=dt, we can calculate the speed of any object moving in a straight line. Now, who can tell me how to calculate the speed of a falling object?" Fujisawa amended his statement, "BESIDES Son Gohan?" 

Nanami Jinnai sat happily in her place next to the buff transfer student. In her eyes, Gohan had it all. Brains, a well-defined musculature that was not too extreme, a good personality, and an equally nice butt. Nanami turned to Gohan. _No use being subtle. He looks to be the nice but oblivious type. _"Gohan, I really like you."

Gohan smiled back at her. "Thanks! I like you to. You've been a real friend since I came here."

Nanami flinched. "No, I mean that I like you as more than a friend."

Gohan responded, "Nice to hear. Can we talk about this later? Fujisawa is trying to teach us."

Nanami clenched her right fist angrily. _OK, he's either oblivious or not interested. Only one way to find out; extreme bluntness. _"I like you Gohan. I want to go out with you on dates, get to second, possibly third base after a few establishing dates, build a relationship with you and possibly settle down after college."

Gohan's eyes widened. _Whoa… didn't see that coming… _"Oh… um, sure, sometime… how about Friday? There's a free concert at the college campus at 7:00." 

Nanami nodded. "Sure!"

******************

Gohan continued. "I think we might have a chance of our relationship working. She's pretty, smart and fun." Gohan halted his train of thought. "God, that sounds so cliché… but, it's true. She's also relatively stable. Unlike her brother…" 

******************

Meanwhile, at an emergency meeting of the student council…

Katsuhiko Jinnai, Student Body President of Shinonome High School, stared disbelievingly at the thick document in his hands. "IMPEACHED?"

The head of the student council nodded with a smug grin on his face. "Yes, Jinnai. In your hands, you hold a petition to have you removed from office for extreme abuse of power."

He flipped through page after page of signatures. "But… this is impossible! There are thousands of signatures here! This many people don't even go to our school!"

The girl sitting across from Jinnai said, "Well, just to hammer in how unpopular you are, we asked for signatures from students at the elementary and junior high schools that feed into Shinonome."

Jinnai flipped back to the first page. And whose name should be at the top of the roster but… _Son Gohan! How dare that upstart have the gall to call for the impeachment of a leader whom he did not vote for?! _With a fantastic strength born of rage, Jinnai ripped the telephone book thick paper to shreds. "THIS SHALL NOT STAND!"

The student council leader shook his head. "Deny it all you like, Jinnai. You're booted. Welcome back to the ranks of the 'mindless cattle' you were always so fond of calling us." 

Jinnai raced from the room, trailing scraps of the petition in his wake. "SON GOHAN! YOU SHALL PAY DEARLY!"

*****************

Gohan sneezed. "Ugh. Stupid allergy season…" 

Piccolo heard Jinnai's rants with his superior hearing. "I would suggest altering your course." 

Gohan gave Piccolo a strange look until his own superhuman senses picked up the noise. "Oh, it's just Katsuhiko. Ignore him; he usually goes away." 

"SON GOHAN! I SHALL HAVE MY HEAVENLY ORDAINED VENGEANCE!!!!!"

Gohan looked towards the source of the scream. "Then again…"

End Chapter 1

Page 592, paragraph 9 of _The Over-Protective Mother's Bible_: Now, having successfully sheltered your child from the real world for over eighteen years, it is time to set him free and unprepared into it. Some might feel guilt at this, wondering if their time parenting might have been better spent allowing him to experiment with social interaction and real life experience instead of unending study. Ignore this logic, just as you ignore all other logic. Your mantra was, and will still be, "My child's education comes first, come hell, high water or the immanent destruction of Earth that my son could prevent if I only let him fight!" 

** No, this Videl isn't an alternate version of Ranma ½'s Akane. Gohan is just a bit more paranoid about the relationship in this universe.

What, you didn't think that Chi Chi came up with it by herself, did you?

And no, I don't have anything against Videl. It's just how the fic ideas occur to me, and for some unknown reason, they always end up with her getting written out.


	3. Things Fall Apart

The Replacement

Chapter 2

  Things Fall Apart

By BobCat

Disclaimer: Oh yeah, I WISH I owned this stuff… 

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"Simplify, simplify."  Henry David Thoreau, _Walden_

"Wouldn't it have been simpler to just say it once?"  Soap on a Rope, the webcomic  

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            "Come back here and fight like a man, Gohan!"

            Gohan grit his teeth.  _Secret identities are such a pain…_  Here he was; one of the strongest men alive, powerful enough to vaporize the world a hundred times over, and he was being chased by some little nothing by the name of Jinnai.  The two were taking a circular path around the campus, and Gohan's annoyance grew more by the minute.  _You are so lucky you're Nanami's brother, or you **would** be eating through a straw right about now.  _

            Piccolo and Nanami were watching on the sidelines.  The latter was exasperated by her brother's behavior (to such a degree that she didn't notice that the former was green), but Piccolo seemed to find the situation very amusing.  

Jinnai was not the most athletic student at Shinonome High, but he ran with a manic speed.  "Thanks to you, I'm impeached, you jerk!"  

            Gohan called back over his shoulder, "You made your bed!  Now lie in it!"

            Jinnai screamed in response, "YOU EXPECT ME TO LIE IN IT ALONE!?"

            Gohan muttered, "Aw crap.  I suspected he swung that way…"  

            Jinnai ignored Gohan's comment.  "I have always been the best at everything!  I've always had the best grades!  I won every science fair I entered!  I was the millionth customer at the Kwik-E-Mart!"

            Gohan replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"  

            "Ever since you came here," retorted Jinnai, "you've been outdoing me in everything!  I got a 1590 on the SAT's, but you just had to go and get a 1600!  I used to be the valedictorian, but now you've stolen that spot from me!"  

            Gohan's eyes turned a shade of teal.  Nobody seemed to notice.  _Urge… to kill… rising…_  "Look, you little twit, I don't care if I've hurt your precious ego!  If you don't stop this right now, I'm going to…"  Gohan was cut off in mid sentence as a massive earthquake rocked the campus.  "Yipe!"

            Jinnai glanced around.  "Now what are you doing, Gohan?"

            Gohan didn't respond, as the very earth beneath his feet crumbled and fell away.  Such was his surprise that he didn't think to use his flight powers.  He hit the stone floor hard, barely avoiding injury.  _Glad I was powering up, or that could have hurt…_

Piccolo and Nanami raced to the side of the gash.  Nanami said breathlessly, "Where did he go?"

            Jinnai was too busy crying tears of happiness.  "At last!  The heavens have finally stepped in to reinstate my greatness!  They have sent that upstart Son Gohan into the very depths of h-**_urk_**!"

            Piccolo was not amused by Jinnai's sentiments.  He lifted the gloating egomaniac by his throat.  "Tell us where he is _now,_ before I give you the beating Gohan should have given you!"  

            Nanami looked down the chasm.  She cupped her mouth and called, "Gohan!  Can you hear me?"

            Gohan dusted off his uniform.  His enhanced Saiyan hearing picked up the voice.  "Nanami?  Is that you?"

            Nanami was overjoyed.  "Yes!  Are you alright?"

            Gohan did a quick check of himself.  "I'm a little shaken up, but everything seems to be intact."  

            Piccolo had set down Katsuhiko and was peering into the gloom.  "Gohan!  Just fly out of there!"  This statement earned him a very odd look from Nanami.  He sweatdropped.  _Secret identities are such a pain…_

            Jinnai shook his head.  "That lucky SOB!  I'll have to finish him myself."  Stooping, he picked up a chunk of rock that had yet to fall and hefted it above his head.  "DIE!"  He chucked it down into the darkness, hoping against hope that he would strike his intended target.  

            Gohan could hear Jinnai's rambling.  "What the hell is he talking about?"  He didn't understand until he saw the projectile headed his way.  "Yipe!"  He blurred away from the stone at the last moment.  The rock slammed into a wall of rubble, which rumbled ominously.  

            Gohan's eyes widened.  "Crap!"  

            By now, Nanami had grabbed hold of her brother's shirt and was shaking him like a rag doll.  "What the hell were you thinking!?"  That was when the ground shook beneath their feet as Jinnai's attack set off a landslide.  Both Jinnai siblings screamed as the hole widened, sending their perch tumbling towards the chasm beneath them.  

            Piccolo responded quickly, grabbing them both in mid fall and flying them to safety.  Piccolo picked up Jinnai by the scruff of his jacket and glared into his eyes.  Jinnai scarcely avoided wetting himself.  "If he has one scratch on him, I'm going to rip off your arms and beat you with them!"  Nanami was already at the new edge of the hole, calling Gohan's name.

            There was no response as Gohan cursed, digging himself out the rubble.  "Damn that Jinnai…"  Gohan had instinctively flown deeper into the cave to avoid the hail of rubble, which had closed off the tunnel that he had sought shelter in.  "It would be easy to blast out, but if Jinnai's pebble could do _that_ much damage, I might collapse the whole school…  I'll have to hope that I can find another way out…"  

            Gohan raised one hand and used a small pulse of Chi to illuminate the tunnel.  He was quickly surprised to see odd hieroglyphs etched into the walls.  "What the…"  He tracked his glowing hand across the wall, revealing an intricate carving, containing triangles and human eyes.  "This isn't just a cavern… I just discovered a lost civilization!"  Visions of himself on the cover of dozens of scientific periodicals danced through his mind, but he suppressed them.  "First, find a way out, _then _become famous beyond your wildest dreams."  

            He continued down the tunnel, taking time to study the hieroglyphs.  Despite untold years of neglect, the carvings were still very much intact.  Gohan quickly noticed a pattern.  All of the carvings were a pair of triangles, one superimposed upside down over the other, with the human eye in the center.  Around these carvings were what looked to be a written language.  To Gohan, it looked like he was traveling backwards through the tunnel, based on how the writings looked to him.  He couldn't read the carvings, but they were oddly familiar… like it was something from a former life.  

            Finally, Gohan reached a well-illuminated chamber, where the motif changed dramatically.  The human eye was still present, but now massive stars, moons and s-curves dominated the style.  Gohan wandered in, forgetting his plight.  "It's… beautiful.  It's like a temple of some sort… who were these people… it doesn't look like anything I've ever studied before… definitely not Japanese, though…"  He turned off his Chi-lantern and briefly wondered where the ethereal light was coming from.  His search for a source came up empty, though.  

            Finally, his eyes came to rest upon a wall that lacked the geometric figures of the rest of the temple.  It was bare, gray stone, except for the figure of a woman that extended from the rock.  Gohan's breath was taken away at the sight of her.  She was perfect.  Centuries, perhaps millennia of neglect had not taken their toll on her as they had the rest of the temple.  And no flaw was apparent in her form; carving such a figure must have taken ages to hew from the rock.  "Especially the way they did it… they had to cut away the rest of the stone on all sides of her before they could even begin…"  

            Gohan's eyes fell upon the perfectly carved lips of the figure.  Suddenly, a very odd impulse hit him.  After verifying that no one else was in the chamber, he leaned over and kissed the stone goddess upon the lips.  

            After a few seconds, he leapt back, his face beet red.  "What the heck was I thinking… I _really_ need a girlfriend…"  He turned away from the carving, briefly wondering why her lips felt warm…

            Then, Gohan heard a cracking sound.  "Eh?"  He turned around and saw that the stone goddess was starting to crack.  "Crap!  I broke it!"  No sooner had he uttered the curse than an explosion enveloped the figure, sending dust and shrapnel in all directions.  In his imagination, he saw his Nobel Prize crumble to dust in much the same way.  Gohan covered his eyes, yelling, "I DIDN'T DO IT!"  

            Although dust hung in the air, the strange explosion had ended as quickly as it had begun.  He could not see through the thick cloud, but he felt something familiar.  Gohan's eyes widened.  "A Chi signature!  And a pretty big one, too!  Where the hell did that come from?"  

            As the dust cleared, Gohan's jaw dropped.  "The statue came to life!?"  

            While encased in granite, the goddess had been beautiful.  But now… Gohan could scarcely believe his eyes.  She was gorgeous; except for a large burn on her right leg, there was no flaw on her body.  He knew because her exotic robes left little of her figure to Gohan's imagination.  

            And then her eyes slowly opened, revealing eyes the same color as her hair.  Tears rolled down her cheeks, and Gohan realized that she was looking straight at him.  With a choked voice, she said, "Gohan… it _is _you…"  

            Gohan's eyes widened as she flew forward and embraced him.  He stuttered, "M-mam, I think you might have me confused with someone else.  I don't think I would have forgotten you…"

            The woman, never releasing her embrace, plainly said, "You cannot know what is to happen, Son Gohan.  All you need to know is that you are the replacement for one who should be here, but isn't, but I love you as much as I could ever love him."

            Gohan swallowed.  "R-replacement?  You l-love me?  Who are you?  What's going on here!?"

            The goddess looked him in the eyes.  "All shall be made clear in time.  But my time is limited.  I have been here an eternity awaiting you, and my power is weak, having faded during my imprisonment."

            Gohan's eyes widened again.  _Did she just say that her powers are **weak**!?  She's stronger than Krillin as it is!  _

The blue haired woman finally released her hold on him, and summoned small bolts of energy into her hands.  "We shall meet again in El Hazard.  Good bye."  As the temple faded from sight, a bright, white light filled the room.  Gohan's protestation was cut off as she leaned in and kissed him fully on the lips.  

            And then Gohan touched infinity.

            ****************

            Meanwhile…

            Nanami frantically banged on Mr. Fujisawa's door.  "Mr. Fujisawa!  Open up!  Please!  We need your help!  Gohan fell down a hole!  MR. FUJISAWA!?"  She gave up and sat down on his step dejectedly.  "Where could he be?"

            *****************

            Elsewhere…

            Mr. Fujisawa sat outside O'Flannigan's Bar and Grill (motto: We have all kinds of weird crap on our walls!) in much the same manner as his student.  "I can't believe I forgot daylight savings time… happy hour doesn't start for another hour!  I should still be at school… I just hope that I don't get fired over this…"

            ******************

            Back at the Ranch…

            Piccolo flew out of the hole, landing next to an unconscious Jinnai.  "No sign of him.  If this preppy bastard killed my student, he _will _lose a limb… what?"  He felt a power unlike any in his experience.  "This is impossible!  What the hell is going on…"  And then Piccolo and the Jinnai siblings were no more.  

            ******************

            Gohan moaned as, once again, his brain tried to force his tired body into the land of the living.  "Ow… man, Hiro, I just had the weirdest… dream…"  He sat upright as he realized that he was no longer in his dorm.  "Where am I!?"  He scanned the area, seeing flora and fauna not to be found on Earth.  Dragon-like creatures winged their way through the canopy of the unfamiliar trees about him.  He stepped forward, and barely managed to avoid squishing what looked like mice wearing hats.  "Either Hiro finally talked me into trying some of his LSD, or all of that really happened…"  

            Gohan, being fairly used to the unusual, decided to assume that the situation with the blue haired woman was real.  "El Hazard, she said… is that the name of this world?  She acted like she knew me.  Is it time travel, or does time not move in a linear path in these parts?  And where do the mice get hats, anyway?  Too many unknowns…"  He sat down, struggling to take it all in.  He looked up and saw some kind of high-speed blimp zoom over head at supersonic speeds. He stood up again as the wet ground soaked the seat of his pants.  "OK, I touched something.  You don't feel things in dreams, so so much for the dream hypothesis."  

            Gohan, deciding that he needed more information, stretched out with his Chi senses.  He tried to put the confusing multitude of creatures into perspective.  "OK… local flora and fauna are part of the local Chi, so this isn't some elaborate hoax… I feel two, no, three Chi signatures of significant power.  Two of them are headed my way, so I'd better get ready for some company… wait… something nearby…" 

            "LET ME GO!!!"  

            Gohan reeled as the feminine voice shattered the tranquility of the forest.  He followed the source of the sound and peered through the alien brush.  He quickly saw the source of the sound.  The forest ended very abruptly, with the ground shooting down over twenty feet straight down.  On a rough road just beneath him, a very short girl was being hauled away by a band of insectoid aliens.  Gohan could scarcely tell if they were biological or robotic because of the arrangement and shape of their armor and limbs.  Whatever they were, Gohan could immediately tell that the redhead was not enjoying the ride, as she pounded on the thick carapaces of the insects and screamed for help.  

            Gohan reached into his pocket.  "I don't know what the situation is.  I'm an alien on a world I know nothing about.  What right do I have to interfere in their affairs?"  He finally found what he was looking for.  "What if I completely change the fabric of this world?"  He slipped his wristwatch onto his left wrist.  The girl screamed again.  Gohan pressed a few buttons on the watch.  "Being diplomatic got me here in the first place.  If that girls with the 'bad guys,' then so be it, because," Gohan said, as his school uniform was replaced by his green costume, minus the helmet, "the great Saiya-Man allows no injustice!"  He flipped out a pair of sunglass from the pocket of his costume.  "And those bugs are just asking for an exterminator."

                                                End Chapter 2


	4. Hunting Bugrom for Fun and Profit

The Replacement 

Chapter 3

Hunting Bugrom for Fun and Profit

By BobCat

Disclaimer: If I owned both Dragon Ball_ and_ El Hazard, you'd be seeing this on videocassette/DVD format, not written out like this.  

Note: [ ] indicates Bugrom speech.  

        ******************

        "Now this is not the end.  It is not even the beginning of the end.  But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Winston Churchill.  

        ******************

        As Gohan performed a dramatic transformation sequence off in the bushes, the three Bugrom hauling the unfortunate red-haired girl (who was scarcely two feet tall,) halted.  They stood for a moment, the sun glistening off of their hard carapaces.  Since Bugrom names are generally unpronounceable by humans, we shall call them, for reference, Larry, Moe and Curly.  Moe was the one carrying while Larry and Curly flanked him on either side.   

        Moe cocked his head sideways.  "[Hey, you guys hear that?]"  

        Larry piped in, "[Hear what, boss?]"

        Curly repeated, "[Yeah, what, boss?]"

        Moe poked Larry in the eyes.  The unfortunate Bugrom shrieked in pain as his commander remonstrated him.  "[Shaddap, ding-dong!  I think it's a dramatic transformation sequence over in the bushes.]"  

        Curly stuttered, "[B-but doesn't that mean that some kinda magical girl is gonna attack us?]"

        Moe thought about this.  "[There is only one way to determine the truth!  As your leader, I am prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice.  Larry, climb up there and see what it is.]"

        Larry shook his head.  "[No, no!  I'm a horrible climber!  Send Curly instead!]"

        Moe smacked Larry on the head.  "[Oh, a wiseguy, eh?  Get up there!]"  

        Larry rubbed his sore head, and then began climbing up the precipice.  Upon reaching the top of the hill, he called out, "[He-loooo!  Magical Girl!  Are you done transforming yet?]"  As soon as he finished speaking, he was grabbed by a gloved hand and pulled into the brush.  Sounds of beating followed shortly afterwards, and after several moments of horrendous noises, a broken and beaten Larry fell to the ground at their feet.  

        Moe peered up into the foliage.  "[What the heck is going on up there?]"

        Almost as if on cue, the Great Saiya-Man leapt down and began posing.  "Evil bugs!  Release the girl, or suffer the horrible wrath of… THE GREAT SAIYA-MAN!"  

        Moe and Curly looked at each other for a moment, as if trying to decide how to respond.  They chose uncontrolled laughter.  

        Moe whipped tears from his face carapace.  "[Wouldja get a look at that guy!  He's hilarious!]"

        Curly tried to copy one of Saiya-Man's poses, but his efforts proved futile as a fit of laughter destroyed his balance.  His laughter skipped a beat when he hit, but then he got right back into it.  

        Gohan was more than a little angry at this.  "Look, did you see what I did to your partner?"  He pointed at the fallen Larry.  "If you stop laughing, I'll spare you from the same fate."  _I'm a superhero, dammit!  I deserve respect!_

Gohan's patience finally snapped as Alielle finally forgot her perilous situation and started laughing as well.  "I know I'm going to die, but still!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  

        Gohan summoned a bolt of Chi and flung it at Moe.  It flew in a laser-straight path, removing Moe's head from his shoulders.  As the Bugrom collapsed, Gohan calmly flew over and caught Alielle before she was crushed under Moe's body.  

        Curly, carefully weighing his options in a risk factor/reward equation came up with one rational solution.  "[Vwoop-vwoovwoovwoovwoovwoo.]"  With that, he turned tail and ran.  

        Gohan set Alielle down.  "Are you alright, miss?"

        Alielle looked up (and considering he was more than twice as tall as she was, she had a long ways to look up) at her rescuer.  "Um… sure… thanks to you, Mr… hey, who are you?"

        Gohan decided to forgo his cool poses this time.  _Back home, I'm well known enough that the bad guys know not to laugh at me… here, it's just too clownish.  _"I'm the Great Saiya-Man, defender of the weak, preserver of liberty and freedom and all around good guy.  And you are?"  

        She responded in a very perky voice, "I'm Alielle, handmaiden to the Rune Venus!"  

        Before Gohan could ask Alielle exactly what this "Run Venus" was, he sensed a major power spike from behind.  "What the heck?  Yipe!"  In an instant, another redheaded woman was upon him, attacking him with a superhuman ferocity and speed.  Although Gohan was her better in raw power, she wasn't giving him the opportunity to regain his balance; all that the surprised Saiyan could do was react to her attacks.  

        Finally, Gohan took a good one-two combination to the gut, followed by a spinning kick that sent him into the side of the rock beneath the forest.  Gohan moaned.  "Could someone please get the license number of that truck?"  

        Shayla Shayla floated above the ground with a very smug grin on her face.  "That'll teach you to kidnap a citizen of the Alliance, Bugrom stooge!"  

        Gohan took off his sunglasses.  A quick scan showed that the lenses of both had been shattered beyond repair.  "Hey, that was my favorite pair!"  

        Shayla Shayla backed up a bit.  _This guy's unbelievable!  I gave him my best shot, but he's more worried about his sunglasses than the smackdown I just gave him!_  

        Gohan tossed the ruined glasses to the side as he extricated himself from the side of the canyon.  He didn't notice that his read cape had come off because of damage to the clasps.  Shayla Shayla started preparing for another attack as he started walking towards her.  "Look, I don't know who you are, or where I am, or even what the hell a Bugrom is, but I just saved your little friend over there, so you better start showing me some gratitude!"  _I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm hurt, I'm lost and I'm not taking any more!  _

        Meanwhile, Curly had returned with reinforcements, with several hundred of the basic warrior bugs and nearly a dozen scorpion-like giants.  In place of a stinger, these creatures had fitted to their tails what resembled medieval style catapults, with a load of rocks attached by a rope net.  

        Gohan looked at the Bugrom and then at his tormentor.  "Truce?"

        Shayla Shayla responded, "Truce."  

        Curly pointed at the pair.  "[It's the ones what killed Moe and Larry!  Get them wiseguys!]"  With that, the horde attacked.  The warriors charged in from all sides, hoping to encircle their victims with a wall of spears and short fangs, while the catapult bugs began lobbing volleys of stones at the pair.

        Gohan and Shayla Shayla blasted forward and started cutting a swath through the army.  Shayla noted that Gohan's movements were quick, but somewhat rough and unpolished, as though he was not in battle very often.  On one occasion, a Bugrom snuck into his rear quarter and smacked him in the back of the head with a rock.  To Shayla Shayla's surprise, he was completely unaffected by the assault.  _Who is this guy?! _

Her attention was ripped away from Gohan as she was forced to dodge a barrage of rocks from the scorpion types.  Shayla Shayla blurred above the hail and responded with an energy bolt.  The massive insect exploded, spraying green ichor and chunks of flash-fried flesh in all directions.  The gore splattered Gohan, utterly ruining his costume.  "Ew!  Could you try to vaporize these things a bit more cleanly?"  

        Shayla Shayla laughed.  "You aren't from around here, are you?  The shells of those scorpions are a lot stronger than they look!  You're lucky if you can get through them at all."  

        Gohan smirked.  "A challenge, eh?"  Gohan brought his hands together and pointed it at one of the scorpions.  "MASENKO!"  The yellow bolt of Chi hit the scorpion dead on, blasting it down to its component molecules.  

        Shayla Shayla gawked at the display.  "This guy isn't human…"  Such was her shock that she didn't notice a hail of stone heading towards her, courtesy of the scorpion's cousin.  She turned around at the last moment and shrieked at a stone larger than she was barreled down at her.  "Too late to blast it!"  Before she could be crushed, Gohan blurred in front of her glared at the rock.  

        Shayla Shayla uncovered her eyes.  "Why aren't I dead?"  She looked up and saw the alien boy floating in front of her, the rock suspended in midair by an unseen force.  As more rocks were hurled at the pair, the same unknown energy halted them all.  

        Gohan smirked.  "Time to end this thing."  As he spoke, his eyes turned a bright teal.  

        Shayla Shayla was blown back as a wall of yellow flame enveloped the boy.  She landed on the ground hard and bounced twice.  When she managed to right herself, she sat and looked in awe at what Gohan had become.  "What the…"  

        The Super Saiyan focused his energies, causing the stones to break into thousands of tiny pieces.  Then the chunks were accelerated to several times the speed of sound.  Although Gohan's aim was mostly atrocious, with so many missiles is was not long before rocks began to connect.  More ichor flew into the air as Bugrom lost life and limb to the attack.  Finally, Gohan ended his assault and reverted to normal.  Not a Bugrom had survived.  

        Having defeated his enemy, Gohan floated down next to the sitting Shayla Shayla.  He extended his hand to the woman.  "Need some help?"  _Didn't need to go Super, but I hope that convinces this one that attacking me is not healthy.  _

        Her normal cockiness blown away along with the Bugrom, she stuttered, "S-sure…"  She accepted his hand, and rose to her feet.  "Who are you?"  

        Gohan paused and briefly considered introducing himself as Saiya-Man, but decided that his costume was too shredded to continue the ruse.  "My name is Son Gohan.  And you?"

        "I'm Shayla Shayla, one of the High Priestesses of El Hazard."  _Strong _and_ cute… a rare combination around these parts.  I can respect this guy.  _"And the lady landing behind you is Afura Mann."  

        Gohan gave the woman a once-over.  The woman was dressed in a white, spandex-esque bodysuit that immediately confirmed that she was female, coupled with a few pieces of armor for the shoulders, over which flowed black hair and a cape of the same color.  _A lot less functional that Shayla Shayla's design, but I somehow get the feeling that she's a higher rank… she has a pretty arrogant look in her eyes.  _

The black haired woman viewed the battlefield.  "Was it really necessary to rip them apart like that, Shayla?  That seems even more overkill than your usual." 

        Shayla Shayla wrapped her arm around Gohan's shoulders.  "Well, if you weren't so **UNBELIEVABLY LATE_, _**you would have gotten to see this guy in action.  It was incredible!"  

        Gohan blushed.  Heavily.  In fact, he was surprised that his face didn't burst into flames.  _I can't believe it.  I go for eighteen years without a steady girlfriend, and now three people are after me in one week!_  "Please, stop…"  

        By now, Alielle had caught up.  "Shayla Shayla and Afura Mann!  I can't believe it's you!  Thank you so much!"  She leapt up and glomped onto Afura's sizeable chest.  She murmured to herself, "Ooh, warm and soft…"

        Afura struggled to get the troll off of her.  "This isn't necessary… get off!"  

        Gohan chuckled slightly at this.  He touched a button on his wristwatch, switching to his blue training uniform.  "Glad to get out of that suit.  I don't look forward to washing that stuff out…"  

        Shayla Shayla approved of the design, as it revealed his manly chest.  _Stud alert… just have to make sure that no one else gets this guy before I've gotten my turn…_  "So, where are _you _from, Big Boy?"  

        Gohan stated plainly, "Earth."  

        Shayla played with the word.  "Ee-arth?  Is that a town or something?"  

        Gohan sighed.  "Well, it's a long story…"  

        ******************

        Narrator: "Yes indeed, it was a long story!  And since you, the kind and gentle readers, have already heard this tale in the first two chapters, we shall spare you the effort of going over it again.  Suffice to say, Shayla Shayla and Afura Mann have a hard time believing this unbelievable story."

        ******************

        Afura gave Gohan an incredulous stare.  "I have a hard time believing that unbelievable story."  After saying this, she went back to pry Alielle off of her right leg.  _This kid's like a limpet!  What, did she use, super glue!?_

        Gohan gestured all around him.  "What?  You live on a world where giant bugs are everywhere and mice have hats!  What's so unbelievable about me being a hybrid of human and alien who got lost after kissing a statue?"

        Shayla responded, "All of it."  _Why do all of the cute ones have to be crazy?_

Gohan considered for a moment.  _OK, how to prove that I am from an alien world… got it!_  "I'll prove it to you!  I have wondrous technology not to be found upon your planet!"  _I hope… the fact that these people are having so much trouble fighting bugs with rocks **should **indicate a pre-industrial society.  _He rummaged through his pockets.  "Let's see here… aha!"  He pulled out a lighter.  "Look, as I produce fire without flint or tinder!"  He flicked it a few times, producing sparks, but nothing else.  Seeing the annoyed glares of the priestesses, he frantically tried to get the stupid thing to work.  "Look, as I produce fire… produce fire… sonava!"  

        He tossed the lighter over his shoulder.  He went through his pockets again and found a digital camera.  "Aha!  Observe as I copy your image into this tiny box!"  He pressed a few buttons, and, satisfied that the device was in working order, aimed the camera at Afura.  "Smile!"  He pressed a button and… nothing happened.  "What?"  He looked at the tiny screen on the camera.  "Error 404 has occurred in kernel .900-897345!?  Stupid Microsoft crap!"  He pocketed the device again.  

        Afura was growing more annoyed.  "I have yet to see any convincing proof."  

        Gohan struggled frantically.  _C'mon, c'mon, something… _His fingers found something round a cylindrical.  _There!  Please work… _Pulling out the capsule, he pressed the button and tossed it to his feet.  In a puff of smoke, the tiny capsule was replaced by a hovercar.  Gohan breathed a sigh of relief.  _When I get back home, I am going to kiss Bulma for this birthday gift!  _

        Alielle removed herself from Afura's leg and leapt up onto the door of the sports car.  "What is it?"  

        Gohan opened the door for the little girl.  "It's an automobile, also known as a car.  Although primitive versions used wheels and combustion engines, this hovercar uses cleaner fuels to propel it into the air.  I can give you a ride, if you like."  

        Shayla leapt into the front passenger seat.  "Oh yeah!  Let's see how fast this baby goes!"  

        Afura eyed the thing suspiciously.  "That thing came out of the pellet?  OK, I'll accept your story."  She paused a moment.  "For now," she added.  _I have never seen such lift technology beyond military skiffs… this boy deserves closer inspection.  _

        Gohan climbed into the driver's seat.  "So, where to?"

        Afura climbed into the back seat next to Alielle.  "I shall guide you."  

        Gohan placed his palm on a control panel, and the machine came to life.  "Alright everyone, buckle up!"

        Afura gave him a quizzical look.  "What do you mean buckle uUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!"  And with that, they rocketed into the sky, and onwards to adventure!

        Or at least, the introduction of more characters…

End Chapter 3

                 Why is Shayla Shayla interested in Gohan?  Unlike Makoto, who (in my opinion) she viewed as a worthless wimp, Gohan distinguished himself as a warrior, a very important thing in her eyes.  Also, he's just plain more handsome.  Makoto's prettier, though.  


End file.
